I'm Irish I can get away with it

[LewFZ1]

Paddy decided to do a bit of DIY. He starts painting the lounge and his wife brings him a cup of tea. Paddy is sweating buckets. His wife says Paddy why are you wearing to coats.
Paddy says don't be so fecken stupid read what it says on the tin.








For best results use two coats.

 

[LewFZ1]

Irish Divorce

The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing!

There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

"Paddy, there I told you there must be a simple explanation............... She never got your email!"

 

[LewFZ1]

A Small Pie

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were hungry one night and had money only for a small pie. Since it was too small to divide they decided to go to sleep and The pie would go to The person who had The most interesting dream.
When they woke up in The morning. The Englishman said, 'I had a very interesting dream. I dreamed I was ruler over The whole world. You can't get more interesting than that, so I deserve The pie.'
'Hold it,' said The Scotsman. 'I dreamed I was ruler over The whole universe, so that pie belongs to me.'
'I had The most interesting dream of all,' said The Irishman. 'I dreamed I was hungry, so I got up and ate The pie.'

 

[Fulfilled-09]

Ha! Glad you haven't been put off by the moranic rants of a previous, and now thankfully deleted, poster.

 

[LewFZ1]

Ha! Glad you haven't been put off by the moranic rants of a previous, and now thankfully deleted, poster.

Sure if you can't laugh at yourself the world would be an awful sad place indeed. I love Irish jokes they only become annoying when they are hateful and spiteful, same as jokes about any race which are obviously meant to be offensive.

God created the heavens and the earth and on the 7th day he rested.

On the 8th day God created the Irish just add some humour to the place.

God created France, the most beautiful country in the world
The rest of the world became jealous
So then God created the French.

 

[Triple Trouble]

Ha! Glad you haven't been put off by the moranic rants of a previous, and now thankfully deleted, poster.

Has he been deleted??

 

[Fulfilled-09]

Has he been deleted??

It was meant to read:

Ha! Glad you haven't been put off by the moranic rants of a previous, and now thankfully deleted, post.

 

[LewFZ1]

Paddy says to Shamus, I'm going to try something different next year for me holidays. Shamus says why? Well last year I went to Benidorm and Mary got pregnant, the year before I went to Malta and Mary got pregnant, the fecking year before that I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Well Shamus says well are you going to try something different Paddy?


Aye I will, I'm going to bring her with me.

I'll get my coat

 

[Unfazed]

One day, this guy whoʹs been stranded all alone on a desert island for 10 years, is sitting on the
beach when suddenly, a beautiful woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear emerges from the
surf. She approaches the stunned guy and asks, ʺHow long has it been since youʹve had a
cigarette?ʺ
“Ten years!ʺ he said. She unzips a waterproof pocket on her right sleeve and pulls out a fresh
pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, ʺOh, thatʹs good!ʺ
Then the woman asks, ʺHow long has it been since youʹve had a drink?ʺ Trembling, the man
says, ʺTen long years!ʺ The woman unzips her waterproof pocket on her left sleeve, pulls out a
flask of fine French cognac and gives it to him. The man takes a long swig and says, ʺMan,
thatʹs sweet!ʺ
The woman then starts slowly unzipping the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively
and asks, ʺAnd how long has it been since youʹve played around?ʺ
The man, with tears in his eyes, replies, ʺOh sweet mother of God! Donʹt tell me youʹve got
golf clubs in there”?!

 

[Fulfilled-09]

Ha ha ha